so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
