I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
