I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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