i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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