It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
