I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
