Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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