Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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