im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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