Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
