i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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