I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
