Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can I color on your dick again?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
