If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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