So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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