nut hugger
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
