can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
