HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
