Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
