Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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