Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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