How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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