On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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