She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
