Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
