Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
