The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
