mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
