i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
