While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
