He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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