My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
