I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
