where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
