you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
