I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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