Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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