GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
