Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
