Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
