i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
