If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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