I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
