Pregnant stripper...not hot.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So apparently I’m into choking now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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