just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
