DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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