okay pat passed out under dana's car
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
