Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
