Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
