watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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